It
was a stupid accident; a combination of an over inflated ego and downright carelessness.
Jenny was good about it; about the fact that I'll be laid up for some months
with a badly shattered leg, and an arm broken in three places. The doctor of
course advised me to have lots of rest, which was rather ironic, since in reality
I had little choice. Jenny decided to rent our first floor apartment out on
a short term lease which she had no difficulty in doing due to her being a successful
real estate broker, and so we have moved into this old house which is really
quite a nice place, with polished floorboards, bay windows and lots of trees
everywhere. The garden is wholly overgrown and I can hardly see the wooden shed
at the bottom of the garden through the tangle of greenery, but I like it here,
it is a world onto itself where one can imagine living in another era, like
Victorian England in those romance novels Jenny sometimes reads.
The living room is very spacious with a high ceiling
and a tall wooden mantelpiece surrounds a cavernous fireplace, and all I can
see through the bay windows are trees and shrubbery. The strangest aspect of
the living room however would have to be the television, which the previous
tenants had left behind, it is a huge wooden affair which must weigh a ton,
and it can only be described as ugly, not the sort of ugliness that one would
associate with 'bad taste' but more like a sinister evil ugliness that comes
to mind when one thinks of gargoyles or ancient headstones in wind lashed cemeteries.
The legs emulate that of some sort of reptile and end in four sets of vicious
looking talons which mercilessly grip and bite into the carpet, and around its
huge screen there are tiny detailed carvings of skulls and tortured faces .
I tell you, its a horror to behold. I suggested to Jenny that we remove it because
it is such an eyesore but she just laughed and said, "dear, think of it
as a curiosity and a conversation piece, besides I find it rather cute, don't
you?" Since I am incapable of removing it myself, it remains there, and
I'm almost sure it has taken on an air of smugness.
Jenny has gone to work and I have gone against
the doctor's advise to rest my still rather painful limbs. I neglected to mention
that I am a session musician, but it takes little imagination to understand
that those days are over, at least for the meantime. Still, I tried to play
my guitar this morning but I soon despaired because my painful, clumsy fingers
would only produce laboured and disjointed passages. I guess the doctor is right,
nothing for it but to rest. Of course, the upside of all this is I have a much
earned holiday from all the political wrangling of the music business and those
late nights of carrying heavy equipment in and out of studios. Yet I feel vaguely
depressed. Perhaps it is the fact that I'm all alone in this room with nothing
special to do except read or look at the furniture or out the window. Jenny
does not seem to understand my growing depression and she is often away overnight
on business trips; something that didn't bother me when I was working late nights
before this silly accident. She means well and always pecks me on the cheek
before going off to work and she usually makes some well intended remark about
'her little invalid being permanently plastered.' I try and tell her that my
problem is related to not being able to practise my music, but she says that
I need rest away from all of that. She has always looked at my music as a "little
hobby" and tolerated it as a personality trait rather than something that
has taken years of practise and dedication, but I do love her, so I don't make
a fuss over her views.
I have just done something rather strange, which
has caused me some initial trepidation. I have switched on that hideous old
television, and it works! Somehow I expected it not to produce even a glimmer
of a picture, or if total honesty were called for, I half insanely expected
devils to appear on the screen. No devils, just plain old daytime television;
'Donahue,' albeit in black and white. I guess daytime television is not as bad
as they say, in fact it is quite interesting; the talk shows with overweight
loud Americans condemning drug dealers whilst they themselves are permanently
stoned on valium. I don't mind the soapies either, with that badly timed, bland
acting which has an appeal all of its own. I'm starting to feel better already
and I have taken to partaking in a 'smoke' to enhance my days.
Yesterday the television went 'on the blink' and
the picture turned sideways so that Donahue was talking to the ceiling and Coke-a-Cola
surfers disappeared off the bottom of the screen and soapy lovers made love
hanging upside down like a pair of bats.
Today, however, the picture vanished altogether only to be replaced by a visual
static which resembles an electronic equivalent of pins and needles, more strangely
still, there are flecks of red throughout it which disturbs me because black
an white televisions cannot produce colour of any kind.. I am beginning to feel
afraid because I sense that the television is somehow behaving like it has a
mind of its own, yet I feel strangely fascinated by the electronic fuzziness
on the screen as patterns sparkle and explode in a monochrome and red holocaust.
Some times if I stare long enough there are new patterns under the static; disturbing
visions of some hellish factory where colossal cog wheels with frightfully sharp
teeth mesh and grind and squeal metallically. Worse still, the red flecks are
more concentrated between the teeth of these terrible things. Of course I don't
tell Jenny because I fear she will think me to be going insane. Lately I have
been watching television well into the early winter evenings and as the darkness
closes around me the picture becomes sharper by contrast which allows me to
better immerse myself into the blizzard of static which now seems to fill the
whole room.
Jenny sometimes comes home early but her
car pulling into the driveway is always the warning for me to switch it off
and pretend I am having a nap. Sometimes I try to tell her about what I am seeing
in that awful television but how can I explain? It is beginning to take such
a hold of me that I am truly at a loss as what to do to break the spell. Today
the most horrific thing happened. I was looking at that hellish factory that
I mentioned before and a figure walked straight up to the screen, it was a man
with the most woeful and anguished face anyone could imagine. He had a heinous
chain wrapped across his face and arms which was pulled so tightly that his
features were disfigured and hardly recognisable as human. The chain had minute
barbs which tore his flesh and caused red blood to flow down over his face and
body. I could see why the chain was so tight, it trailed out behind him and
into those cogwheels and they were pulling him in, link by link, towards their
grinding horror. He spoke. It was a demand voiced in the vernacular of the damned;
tortured and hateful. "save me or come with me". Then he was gone,
replaced by the deathly roar of static.
Tonight I am sitting in the room paralysed by
fear unable to get out of this chair, I cannot look away from the thing anymore,
the wind outside is roaring through the trees and everything outside is rattling
and banging. Somewhere around the house branches are knocking against the wall
and the gate is being thrown back and fourth clattering and squeaking. I know
the thing has moved. I am not stupid . I saw its clawed leg take one step and
then another. I can hear its grotesque wooden claws pull out bits of the carpet
as it moves. I know what must be done, it is simple. I am going to rescue that
man. I am crawling towards the thing now, the plaster on my leg is dragging
behind but that is not going to stop me. I am right up against the screen and
the man is in there, he is almost at the meshing cogwheels, the chain's last
few links are pulled tight, he is screaming and so am I. My screams seem so
distant and hardly mine at all. I smash the screen somehow and glass is flying
everywhere tearing chunks out of the wall and my face. Now there is a black
void full of silvery shards. I cannot see him but I know he is in there because
I can hear him screaming, his blood is everywhere as I desperately push my head
and shoulders further into the void grabbing wires and valves trying to find
him. I can hear Jenny talking in the background, she seems so calm, how can
she be so calm? She has always been that way, she is on the phone calling for
someone to come and help us find the man.
John Magee